Breaking Through Silence

The pandemic was a very frustrating situation for many people. Everyone remained isolated in their rooms in fear for their safety. A silent form of chaos started to spread, as people were trapped from the rest of the world, attempting to continue their daily lives virtually as if nothing happened. While some people comfortably adapted to such an isolated environment, I was trapped in my world of confusion. I was a young, inexperienced little child in ninth grade who just stepped away from his youth and into adulthood. I had no sense of direction nor a guide to help me know where to tread for experience. I was isolated from the rest of the world, and all I could do was stay behind a screen, text my friends, and listen to my teachers lecture away. I grew accustomed to being mute and the silence being a part of my life.

One day, I suddenly received a call from an unknown phone number. I picked up the phone and asked, “Hello, who is this?”

In a soothing tone, a familiar voice replied, “Hey Animesh, I am your tutor from a few years ago, and I would like to offer you a position as a Specialized High School Admission Test (SHSAT) prep instructor.”

I stood silently in the middle of my small, dimly lit, white bedroom for a few seconds. I knew in a heartbeat that I should accept this offer since it was the exact thing I needed to fill the loneliness in my heart. I very excitedly answered , “I would love that!”

For a few weeks, I eagerly awaited on the edge of my chair for a notification about my first online class. However, right after I heard a loud “DING” from my phone, and all that excitement suddenly vanished  as the reality of the situation dawned on me. I had to talk in front of 20 children whom I had never seen before. My supervisor told me to teach them a few 9th-grade level mathematics using my methods, but I have never done anything like this before. To my horror, the day I had feared came sooner than I thought. I became the focus of the class, yet I felt trapped behind the screen of silence that I surrendered to.

As I opened the Zoom meeting for my first class, I gazed upon a dark screen with names on the display, making me realize how difficult the task ahead of me really was. Like many shy kids during quarantine classes, my students also turned off their cameras and microphones. I knew very well how awkward this first encounter was from any standpoint, as I felt just as nervous as these shy children. As their instructor though, I felt their expectations beaming onto me. Hesitantly, I took the first step and introduced myself.

“Hi, I am Animesh Nath, your SHSAT prep instructor.”

A loud and awkward silence echoed across my room as I waited for a reply. I realized that I needed to gain the students’ trust, and that these children had to face a much more intricate challenge than I did when I was their age. They spent several hours staring at a screen to learn something as the loneliness and lack of movement deprived them of their energy and youth. Empathizing with them, I broke the ice by telling them how my journey with the SHSAT went. I began with the emotional barriers I had to overcome to focus on my improvement  — how the most challenging part was assuring myself that there was nothing to worry about and believing in myself to do better. It was a gradual process of having faith, following the plan, and being mentally prepared. Gradually, one-by-one, miniature faces filled my screen as I detailed my personal journey of failure, disappointment, and success. They shyly introduced themselves, then shared their goals and why they wanted to attend a specialized school.

Subsequently, the lesson finally started and the magnitude of what I had to do suddenly crept up on me: I had the tremendous task of relaying knowledge. I had the power to shape how these students viewed the world through the lens of mathematics and literature, but I had no idea where to start.

I managed to utter, “Today we will start with basic systems of equations, just to better enhance your knowledge of the 8th-grade SHSAT math.”

I scattered around nervously through my computer. I was confused about where to start as I didn’t receive much material or lesson plans to base my session on. I barely had any experience giving public presentations, nonetheless managing a full-sized class online. I took a moment to step back, take a breather, and organize the websites and materials at my disposal: a website to create problems and send them as a quiz, my three years of experience in complex mathematics and a whiteboard from Zoom. 

It was a rough start but I grasped the flow of the class and got their attention as I stared into their eyes as an assuring support of faith. I slowly reviewed the lesson with them and continuously assessed them to keep them engaged and on track. Slowly they caught on, but traces of confusion remained on their faces. There was a lot of work to be done, but it was a good start. My palms ceased to sweat and I regained stability in my nerves. I spent several hours gathering information and materials to create lessons and study materials for them, digging through old YouTube videos and flipping through dusty textbooks. My chest puffed with pride looking at their progress. 

However, as the test day approached, a sense of fear stemming from their past disappointment lingered in their guts. I showed them their progress chart over the past few months and told them to be proud of it. They gazed in awe as they saw their rising grades. It is up to them to decide whether they can persevere and accomplish their goals  — the SHSAT and any future obstacles are only stepping stools. As a student in one of their dream schools, I told them the journey never ends even after you achieve your goals. You should always strive to better yourselves, create ambitious goals, and search for the path to accomplish your goals.

From this journey, I learned everyone has some problems in their lives that they must face. The pandemic has been a major setback in more than one way for all people – whether it be students, teachers, workers, or leaders – however, that setback shouldn’t be something to be discouraged about. As long as they strive to solve their issues, they can learn something from that struggle and become more powerful. I struggled as I started my journey from scratch and had no experience in such harsh conditions. The willingness to better myself and hope of becoming a better speaker and inspiration to others helped me overcome these obstacles.